Law School legal humor on the record

On the Record: Who to run over & Sugamommas

September 18, 2008

Professor L’s nose was bruised this morning. She told us why:
Professor L: “I was playing tug of war with my dog Monday. And my dog, with great force, head butted me! Right in the nose! If you’ve ever seen a boxing match, it was like the moment the guy’s fist connects with the nose and, (I know it’s early) imagine the blood spurting everywhere… well this was the scene at my house Monday morning…”
Sweet semantics

Professor C: “Ahhh, I don’t think it’s an ice cream shop! It’s a frozen yogurt shop! TCBY? Let’s call it a frozen yogurt confection.”
Minor’s Consent:
Professor T: “When my daughter was 12, she wanted to get her ears pierced. So my daughter goes down to the local piercery, which is the same thing as serial stabbing…do I have a case?”
Student: “Did she ask you?”
Professor T: “Of course not. She knew I would say “no” so she does what any 12 year old does, and didn’t ask me.”
Student: “Then you can sue!”
Professor T: “Yes. Exactly. I can sue for battery because they put holes in my property.
In case you die:
Professor T: “Minnesota Statue 145 B.04. Write this down. Minnesota Statue 145 B.04. I say this because you are all young and think you’re bullet proof. You’re not. You will be in a car accident. Bricks will fall out of the sky. Minnesota Statue 145 B.04.”
Medical Liability:
“Putting the tumor back is not an option. Because that poor tumor, after it’s been deprived of its sustenance, is now dead.”
Professor T: “If you’re going to be in an accident and run someone over, who’s your favorite victim?”
Jack: “A bum!”
Professor T: “Who’s your second favorite victim?”
Jill: “A CHILD!”
Professor T: “Right. They are worthless. And then?”
Jack: “A retired person!”
Professor T: “And for the purposes of future earnings you want to nail a child, a retired person, and a bum.”
Billy: “What about a nun?”
Billy: “Sorry!”
Professor T: “But now that we’re on it, YES. Since the nun is concerned with poverty, her worth isn’t much in court. Now, after you run over your child, retired person, bum, and nun…what do you do?”
Jack: “Repent?”
Professor T: “No. You back up and make sure you finished the job!
Professor T: “Jill, does your husband have any interest in you?”
Jill: “Besides my sugamomma status?”
Professor T: “Yes a consortium…damages.”
Jill: “But I’m irreplaceable!”
Professor T: “We all are. Well, most of us. Not all of our dogs love us…”

  • Reply
    September 22, 2008 at 4:01 pm


    You’d love my torts class then…

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